Our family - all in their pj's and party hats (compliments of the girls) for the first day of the year!!!
Now some rambling...
For many people the New Year represents a time in which things can be evaluated. We can see where we have been and look forward to where we want to be. We can see the changes we want to make and we can reflect on where we have come from. I was so excited as this New Year approached to sit with my family and have a discussion about the blessings we have experienced in this last year. I wanted to make a game of it, where we all shared and spent some time in reflection.
However, what ended up was not that…since Christmas evening our family has been sharing illnesses and it feels very much like when one of us feels better, another gets hit down. Even myself personally; I felt a glimmer of hope yesterday and then woke up today feeling like a MAC truck had ran into me. My point is… it took all I had yesterday to reflect on blessings when all I really wanted to do was to think about how horrible I felt or how horrible everyone in my family was feeling. It was hard for me to reflect on blessings when what I had "planned" for the day crumbled as each of us woke up not miraculously better from the day before.
I spend more time in prayer yesterday morning then I have in a long time… talking to God about how we are feeling and how I wondered if Jesus had ever had a touch of the flu or a cold and how he would have come to his feet and face the day. I talked to Him about the year ahead and how all I really want in this future year is to clearly see His will in each of our lives, which means I will be walking closer to Him. I know that my talking in prayer with Him yesterday is the only way I was able to pull any positive into the day.
We ended up doing some "year end or year beginning" organizing around the girls rooms. We had a nice family lunch together, had some nice quite rest time, each doing their own thing for just a bit of the day, then we had one of Billy's favorite meals (which up until yesterday I had never attempted to make) and played family games for almost 3 hours. We started a 31 day family devotional and ended Pilgrims Progress, which we have been reading for what seems like months… two pages at a time, but only as a family (meaning sometimes we would go days and days without reading). It turned out to be a very nice day… one that flowed and felt peaceful even in the midst of the runny noses, headaches, sore throats and aches and pains. We all were able to look past ourselves and focus on our family, thanks to the answer to a prayer to get through the day even if it didn't turn out how I had pictured it in my head.
This last year I have learned a valuable lesson in letting go; I am a planner by nature and I know for many things that is a blessing from God. However, every blessing can be pushed to far and this is where I have had to learn. I think of this lesson which was taught sometimes painfully this last year often. However it wasn't until this morning that I realized how that lesson was a gift and had I not had the several (sometimes several a day) little lessons along the way, I would have not been able to pull yesterday together. Not that "I" did anything special yesterday, but what I did do, was come to the table with what I had and made the best of it rather then bringing my frustration, anger and disappointment that things weren't going "my way". My learning to go with the flow is far, far from over, but at least I was given a gift of clarity to see that those days that feel so frustrating and disappointing were there to stretch and grow me.
Happy New Year, Theresa